PERGI HAJI/UMROH KE MAKKAH GRATIS

Mau pergi ke Makkah tahun ini?
Baca surat yasiin 3 kali sehabis subuh…
Belum terkabul juga?
Tambahin surat wakiah 3 kali
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Tambahin surat arrahman 3 kali
Masih belum terkabul juga?
Tambahin surat tanah, surat mobil, sama surat rumah, jual buat ongkos
Dijamin 100% berangkat

Di sadur dari sms teman, dengan bahasa Inggris/English
Bilih hoyong ka Mekkah di tahun ayeuna?
Baca surat yasiin 3 balik ba’da subuh
Mun can angkat keneh,
Tambihan ku surat waqiah 3 balik
Can angkat keneh wae
Tambihan ku surat arrahman 3 balik,
Teu angkat keneh?
Tambihan ku SURAT TANAH, SURAT MOBIL, jeung SURAT IMAH jual keur ongkos..!
Dijamin 100% angkat….!!

FATWA HARAM MENIKAH DENGAN WANITA SEKANTOR

Sebut saja namanya kiai A, Ia mengeluarkan fatwa yang kontroversial.


Kurang lebih begini bunyinya, “Haram hukumnya bagi seorang laki-laki untuk menikah dengan wanita sekantor.” Terang saja fatwa ini memancing perdebatang sengit di sana-sini. Terutama, dikalangan profesional. Dengan serta merta mereka menyatakan menyatakan bahwa ulama tersebut telah gegabah mengambil keputusan.
Untuk mencegah polemik yang berkepanjangan, maka seorang anggota dewan memanggil ulama tersebut.
“Maaf, Pak,” tegur si anggota dewan. “Apa benar Bapak yang mengemukakan fatwa yang mengharamkan laki-laki untuk menikah dengan wanita sekantor?”
“Ya, benar,” jawab sang Ulama pendek
“Hm, apa fatwa itu tidak berlebihan?” kembali si anggota Dewan bertanya.
“Sama sekali tidak, Pak,”sahut Sang Ulama.
“Kalau boleh tahu, apa dalilnya, ya?” lagi-lagi si Anggota Dewan bertanya.
“Tidak perlu pakai dalil, Pak. Itu memang haam,” tandas Sang Ulama tegas.
“Pasti ada penjelasannya kan?” desak Si anggota Dewan.
“Begini, Pak,” Sang Ulama coba memaparkan. “Menikahi dua orang wanita saja sudah berat. Lha, apalagi sekantor! Satu kantor itu kan banyak sekali jumlahnya! Yang benar saja, Pak!”

English Humor

Three English words

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence. He pulls him out and says, "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with him, "No, noooo, Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The border patrol agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him, and says "OK, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence."
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The three words are: green, pink and yellow. Now use them in one sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, OK. The phone, it went green, green, green... I pink it up, and sez yellow?"






FBI jobs

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."





Guest what?

Why did the orange stop? Cause it ran out of juice
Which country is the worst at karaoke? Sing-a-pore
What kind of key do you need to get into the jungle? A monkey
What is vampire’s favourite fruit? Neck-tarines
Why did the mushroom go the party? Becaue he’s fun-guy
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path
What do prisoners use to call each others? Cell phones


Knock knock?
(who’s there?)
Romeo
(Romeo who?)
Romeover to the others side of the lake and I’ll tell you!