English Humor

Three English words

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence. He pulls him out and says, "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with him, "No, noooo, Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The border patrol agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him, and says "OK, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence."
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The three words are: green, pink and yellow. Now use them in one sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, OK. The phone, it went green, green, green... I pink it up, and sez yellow?"






FBI jobs

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."





Guest what?

Why did the orange stop? Cause it ran out of juice
Which country is the worst at karaoke? Sing-a-pore
What kind of key do you need to get into the jungle? A monkey
What is vampire’s favourite fruit? Neck-tarines
Why did the mushroom go the party? Becaue he’s fun-guy
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path
What do prisoners use to call each others? Cell phones


Knock knock?
(who’s there?)
Romeo
(Romeo who?)
Romeover to the others side of the lake and I’ll tell you!